Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The Last First Day

It's the day after Labor Day. The day school officially starts. The day I begin my senior year of high school. It's the last first day. Yeah, Mom's sniffling, Dad's proud, Aaron's impressed. And me?

It's a feeling that is difficult to describe. The whole day seems to have a cloak of sanctity over it, something that hallows every moment and makes me want to stretch each second to its full capacity. This is a milestone. Never again will I make all my plans for the school year anew, never again will I sit down at a freshly organized desk with the promise of another academic-filled autumn ahead. Of course there will be college, but that's really something entirely different.

And I'm scared. Looking around me I can see so many people who seem to have it "all together." They have jobs, they've chosen college majors, they have plans and intend to go somewhere. Me? I'm stumped. After several trips to the library to check out career-planning books and taking more personality and aptitude tests than I'd like to admit, my future remains hazy.

I know why it's hazy, because I'm waiting on God. I'm not expecting 'brain surgeon' to be written in the sky, I'm just waiting for that peace that so many people talk about. I'm always hearing about individuals being guided by God into wise decisions, but I've never figured out how that works. My picture is beginning to coalesce in some ways. An English degree looks like my best bet, and even though I don't know what career might come after it, at least I would have some good skills to work with. I just haven't decided what the years ahead look like.

And really, I don't have to. After all, our days are in the Lord's hands. He's in control. If He wants to tell me something He knows how to get His point across. If I ask, seek, and knock, the door will open. Eventually. It's a slow process, but it will be worthwhile in the end. One of these days I suppose I will realize that I've seen all of the options and it's time to make a decision. Taking everything into account, weighing the pros and cons, I will find and answer. And He'll help me. Thank heavens.

But for now I'll just sit here and marvel at the last first day. That's really all we can do, isn't it? Just take it one day at a time. Do whatever our hands find to do, and do it with all our might. Step by step. Day by day. Milestone by milestone.

Abby Rogers

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