Be Ambiguous: A Satire

As we speed through this December at full throttle, rushing through packed shopping malls to the tune of "Happy Holidays", let us keep in mind something very important. There are pitfalls to be stumbled into this season, and in places you might not suspect. The checkout counter, the town parade, and especially the stacks of company greeting cards are all hazards. Please remember this vital rule of thumb (write it on your bathroom mirror, stuff it in your wallet, memorize it and say it like a mantra): always be trite, general, vague, but most of all, please be ambiguous. 

You never know who might read that company card (she could be a Muslim), you don't want to break a municipal code (all holidays are created equal), you don't want to offend your cashier (he could be a Hindu), and you certainly don't want to sound like you believe in something, like you might actually celebrate one holiday in particular and expect others to celebrate it too.

"Happy Holidays" is a very acceptable phrase, no one's going to disagree with it. Images of roaring fires, laughing children, and gifts (with snowflake wrapping paper) are just fine. So to keep spirits bright and smiles merry this season, please remember that everyone is offended when you celebrate a single holiday to the exclusion of all others. Be careful, be selective, be paranoid...be ambiguous. 

85/365..., a photo by QuEpAsA Boy! on Flickr.