Sins of Omission

Have you ever felt a tugging at your heart, and ignored it?

Perhaps you heard God whispering in your ear, "speak to that person" or "join that group" or "stand up for the right." If you've always heeded that call, then congratulations. If you're a sinner like most of us, then you've probably failed at this more than once.

Last week my family was involved in a car accident. It was an amazing experience—a Dodge pickup slammed into a semi truck ahead of us, spraying an explosion of glass and metal through the air, then it bounced off our back fender leaving little more than a crease. There were six of us in the Suburban, and we were gasping with relief, praising God that no one got so much as a scratch. The truck was a mangled wreck, but the driver walked out unhurt.

What I Learned From Death

Some of us are touched early by death, others have to wait.

When I was about eight years old I knew a woman named Rosemary Thorne. Tall and white-haired, she loved to create little wreaths out of twigs with dried flowers, and she loved photography, even if she was terrible at it. My clearest memories of her include one afternoon when I read a story aloud to the cozy, cluttered afternoon sunlight of her house. I can only imagine how broken and childish my reading must have been, but she smiled and seemed to enjoy it. A little while later she succumbed to the cancer that had tortured her body for years. My mother watched by her deathbed, and I looked on in frightened wonder.

Beauty in the graveyard, a photo by amalakar on Flickr.

Ms. Rosemary taught me to never lose an opportunity to bless others. I cried for days after she died, because I had only read one story to her. How many more opportunities were there to help and do good to this darling lady? Now I'd never have the chance again. That was probably a result of an overactive conscience, but it made a huge impression on me. 

Letter to a Perfectionist

One of my greatest regrets in life is being a perfectionist. Maybe "perfectionist" is a nice way of putting it. If you've ever been called

• nit-picky
• bossy 
• a "good girl"
• a control freak
• or a micro-manager

you might be in this boat with me. Whatever this malady is, it's kept me from living a life of joy, freedom, and abandon to God. I've been fearful, stressed, anxious—never rising up to my own expectations or letting anyone else get there either. I've set goals for myself that bring me nothing but grief and disappointment.

As 2012 dies a quiet death I've decided to pitch out a bunch of miscellaneous papers that have lingered around my room for months. I came across this letter to myself, written one night after a soul-wrenching conversation with Mom that probably had something to do with me freaking out over college studies. It was probably past midnight, I was crying, and these are the words I scrawled down, raw with pain and regret.

One Thousand Gifts: Soap, Friends, Birds, Music, Graffiti, and Pickles

“Eucharisteo—thanksgiving—always precedes the miracle.” 

― Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

Pear trees bursting out in a froth of blossoms

• Whipping up muffins in the morning
• The perfect sugar cookie: firm outside, fluffy inside
• Messy remnants of good times
• Chicken trucks barreling down our highway
• My brother's "inside voice"
• The carved table in my room--racetrack, palace, desk
• Granddaddy's love living in the woodwork
• An easy burden and a yoke that is light
• The amazing power of prayer
• An intercessor for all my weaknesses
• High scores on college papers!
• Bill Bryson's hilarious travelogue
• "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." -1 John 4:4
• Crisp white shirt on a warm afternoon
• The swollen bud of a spring mayapple
• Raindrop, almost invisible, turning the world upside down
• I know that God is listening
• A newly-made bed
• A smile when it's hard
• Sweaty morning exercise
• Piles of muddy weeds
• Clean socks, inside out
• A scribbled Granny letter

Surrendering Dreams

I don't usually respond to posts on other blogs, but this is an exception. One of the Altogether Separate community members recently sent me to a post by Miss Raquel over at the God's Daughter blog. She told the story of a fellow Christian blogger who died in May, leaving a striking legacy behind him.


In the last blog post that he published, Joshua Steven Eddy wrote about the need to surrender everything— even those beautiful dreams that we hold close to our hearts—to the Lord. His words were inspiring:

To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing, but to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God’s love is a wasted life.

About two weeks after he wrote this, Joshua was killed in a hiking accident. 

Gratitude: It Isn't Easy

In the hush of the moment,

in the beautiful quiet,

in the peaceful silence,

that's when I can hear God.

In the roar of the day,

in the monstrous rush,

in the chaotic maelstrom,

that's when I should hear God.

There are so many things to give thanks for, so many reasons to be joyful! Why let stress and anxiety ruin this second? This minute? This life?

Quick, type out five things you have to be grateful for right now. Then dwell on those things as you go about the rest of your day. Don't forget how good God is!

• Daddy dropping pounds
• An invisible network of spiderwebs, gilded by the sun

The intricacies of granola

• Making a donation to Voice Of the Martyrs, impacting lives through Christ
• Afternoon sunlight silhouetting the world
• A grassy nook made fairylike by shadows
• Invisible water making a blurry shadow on the wall
• Sweet smiles as I hand out drinks at potluck
• Singing with Clara while washing dishes
• Clean countertops and an orderly sink
• Discovering spiritual truths through toast
• Business inspiration on a red envelope
• A scrubby, scribbled notebook
• Roasting marshmallows with friends
• Hearing an old friend's voice instead of staying at home
• Exchanging closure for healing
• Mastering the art of French eating
• Country music blaring--sounds of home
• My creamy canvas bag--simple and lovely
• A bit of litter on the parking lot
• The tiniest white flower bud on a purplish-green stem, resting in the hollow of my dishwashed hand
• Sacrificing stress for Jesus' joy
• Hank whining and getting me out into the balmy February clouds

Remembering sweet times spent with a friend now passed 

• Sacrificing stress for joy
• Glowing autumn leaves preserved in brilliant tin
• Tinkling glass slipper, Cinderella's prize
• Wood rubbed smooth on a new/old buffet
• The smell of garlic, onions, and cheese
• Chunky-knit sweater, all collar
• Curls of steam from a hot faucet, rising in morning light
• Sheltering blanket with a long, wide rip
• Bold black camera, ripe for capturing
• Fragile tea ball, cradling withered leaves under boiling pour
• Daffa-down-dillies against a dark window
• Warm lamplight brought back from glass
• Brother silhouette, leaning against the door
• Scratched and dirty floor, bearing the memories of good times passed
• Police lights in the dark: safety under the law
• A filthy men's bathroom, nothing compared to the ancient Romans' latrines
• God providing Ashley and Capernwray and Mr. Byron's generosity
• Safety in risky circumstances, against all probability
• The everyday gifts that make even the worst days brighter
• Worn finish on our little piano

Goofy St. Patrick's Day Regalia

• Glimmering rainbow of lights through a cut-glass window
• Porcelain sink, gleaming smooth
• Rolls of shimmering ribbon
• Wind blustering around a snug, safe home
• Big spiky purple/green salad
• Piles of dollar bills
• Familiar warmth of an old cardigan
• My "practice challenge" t-shirt
• The gentle grace of a hair clip
• Mr. Byron's passing
• College work
• Friend finding another church family
• Caraway in hamburger pie
• Bright red cardinal on a wind-tossed branch
• Skin crevices

                                               

More Gifts

• Wind is the breath of sunshine
• The whistling train is victorious, chugging and squealing onward and upward
• My pillow is the transport to a world without expectations or responsibilities 
• From Grace for the Good Girl, "You are not accepted because you are good. You are free to be good because you are accepted."
• My hard-working-mud-caked-blue-jean brother
• Creative fingers, held in anticipation over keys of black and white
• Interactions with blog readers
• Arriving to piano lessons early, sipping hot black coffee

• Hearing words of inspiration and encouragement while wiping spaces clean 
• Mom and Dad, laughing together on the porch
• Aaron and his buddies laughing as they spill sawdust over the garage
• My parents taking it easy after I banged up the car
• "By perseverance the snail reached the ark." -C.H. Spurgeon
• "On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgment and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur." - Evelyn Underhill
• Kyla's hilarious, wonderful review post: www.altogetherseparate.com
• Napkins in symmetrical rows, fresh in their pink elegance

• Cinnamon-ed muffins fluffing in the oven
• A spider folded, dangling underneath a table; repulsive then fascinating  
• Fuzzy blanket, lovingly stitched
• The littlest nails in the finished Axis and Allies game board
• The complex melodies and rhythms of classical music
• The frosting, chapping air to remind you that you're alive
• Rocks and dirt, turning with the flip of a shovel and a muddy converse shoe
• The incredible intricacy of snowdrops
• Adorable Russian doll earbuds
• Scrumptious strawberries in thick chocolate ice cream
• Cute little mini cooper
• Broken lips praising the Lord

• My tea tidy, glued with love
• A knitted scarf, a white elephant gift, and a wrinkled book from Goodwill
• Gelatinous halwa, glossy and sweet
• Blue jays hopping and diving and nibbling
• Burst of sunlight through lowering clouds
• After-midnight laughter over party plans
• Mamage laughing at my lame joke
• Late night laughs with the backseat comedians
• Nibbling--cook's privilege
• Guests having a blast at a party we created

• The opportunity to hear college lectures while cleaning
• Mr Byron, growing old alone in his house
• The possibility of a tumor on Malachi's brain
• Another hard night of cleaning
• Blazing orange coals, simmering in the stove
• Rows of colorful, beautiful, comfortable clothes
• A man and his dog, lounging warm in the office
• I can hear my loving, happy family around me
• The assurance of God's approval through Christ
• Knowing that God is listening to every word I pray

Every Day, A Gift

• Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not s the world gives do I give to you. do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." (John 14:27)
• I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
• There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. (1 John 4:18)
• A psychedelic shadow pattern
• The grain of humor and pleasure from my brother's off-key singing
• The fine lines of my Grandmother's hands, brought out by a sprinkling of flour
• Soaring vultures, which look strangely picturesque
• Our amazing camping trip in October, doing daring things!
• Mr. Byron's hands, crinkled and spotted with memories
• The wrinkled pages of my book, which remind me that I don't need to be perfect

• The plan for my day out, written on a folded sheet of paper and unfolded to reveal a day of adventure
• Someone to listen when I need to be heard
• Someone to bear the burdens I can't possibly bear
• Someone who knows my end from my beginning
• Smoky blue clouds that provide the backdrop for a fiery sunset
• Peanut M&Ms. Which I can resist.
• Compassion's presentation materials, which bring hope and love to so many
• Wonderful books from the library
• Tiny birds nests, beautifully constructed from slender twigs
• A love of learning inherited from my dad
• Fleeting frost, soundlessly transforming the world and leaving unnoticed

One Thousand Gifts

How thankful are you? No, really. How many times do you purposefully put a stop to whatever you're doing and give thanks for the beautiful things in your life, or even just pause a moment to take in the joy of everything that is around you? I know that I've been unforgivably ungrateful for far too long, and 2012 is the time to change that. 

Enter Ann Voskamp. She's an amazing woman who has written the New York Times Bestselling book One Thousand Gifts (she also blogs over at www.aholyexperience.com), which is "a dare to live fully right where you are." It's a book about the gifts that God gives us every day--too many to count--but she's trying to count some (1,000 per year, to be exact), and she's got a few thousand people doing it with her. I'm doing it too. 

She has recommendations for what to look for every day (download her creative ideas here), and if you follow her plan you're going to "collect" 1,000 gifts in a year's time. I got started late, but I've committed to writing down the gifts I'm given on a daily basis. Here's what I have so far:

Three things about myself that I'm grateful for: I have a great metabolism. I can spell very well. I can write creatively.

Something inside: My ginormous window seat. Something outside: Horses frolicking in the pasture. Something on a plate: A very creative meal when there was no food in the house

Lines I Overheard That Were Graces: "I love you, Abby." -Aaron; "Thank God for work." -Rod

A gift in my hand: Mrs. Joyce's camera. A gift I walked by: This apple pie. A gift I sat with: My laptop

Something sour: a bright orange tangerine that pops with flavor on my tongue. Something sweet: a conversation with Mr. Byron. Something Just. Right.: A bright green pine tree drooping over the road, covered in pine cones

Apple Pie Adventures

Before we get started, I've discovered from my reader survey (thanks to all who have filled it out so far!) that the majority of you love cooking. So look forward to more food posts in the future!

If you've ever visited Smitten Kitchen or The Pioneer Woman Cooks you will be familiar with mouth-watering recipes, meticulous step-by-step instructions, and gorgeous food photography--in other words nothing like what you'll see in this post. Just kidding, I am trying! These amazing cooks inspire me to take food and photography to new heights, and I am determined to improve both my cooking skills and my artistic abilities. 

I had to take some more pictures for my college photography course, so I decided to use my lovely grandmother as the subject and show her making a rustic skillet apple pie. The recipe is quite simple, but the result oh so delicious! Believe me, guys, it's enough to blow all your New Year's resolutions to kingdom come.

First you peel the apples, the old fashioned way. Then cut into 1/2-inch-thick wedges. Don't get carried away in your pie-zeal and forget to preheat oven to 350º.

100 Reasons I Give Thanks

1. I have a merciful Savior who loves me, warts and all.
2. The leaves change color in the fall; they don’t have to, but they do.
3. My mother is a creative person who “gets” me on so many levels and who loves me to death.
4. My father is a humorous and loving man who provides well for our family and would do anything for us.
5. My little brother may be a twerp sometimes, but he’s my twerp and I know that he loves me…deep down.
6. I have a part-time job with my family that allows me to make a regular paycheck and have plenty of time to listen to books on my iPod.
7. I am incredibly blessed to have so much extended family living nearby; my grandparents are amazing.
8. Foggy mornings.
9. While I may not have many friendships, the ones I have are deep and full of meaning, purpose, beauty, and laughter.
10. I am in on the Goodwill Secret—and am not afraid to utilize my knowledge.
11.  I have the freedom to experiment, to explore, to create a future that’s perfectly suited to me.
12.  I have access to an awesome public library filled with thousands and thousands of books, DVDs, and audio CDs.
13.  My country grants me freedom of religion, and I need have no fear to worship.
14.  I am physically fit, capable of doing everything I want to do.
15.  There are Panini sandwiches and gallons of pesto in the world.
16.  I have been able to pursue a non-traditional education through homeschooling, CLEP and DSST tests, and online college.
17.  Despite the fact that my body does not like my fingers and frequently attempts to sever them, I have never been seriously injured.

My Bucket List In Progress

A couple months ago I wrote a post about bucket lists, where I wrote about lifelong goals, living to the fullest, the magic of thinking big, etc. Well, I have since created a list of my own. 

In case you're not familiar with Heritage Makers, it's an awesome online program that gives you the ability to create gorgeous custom storybooks, calendars, canvas prints, greeting cards, invitations, and even personalized playing cards (watch the video introduction here). I used HM to create a 14x11 poster of my bucket list (see the image above) to frame and hang on the wall above my bed as a reminder of my goals.

I call this my "Bucket List in Progress" because it is by no means a concrete thing. I've listed such goals as "write a textbook" and "own a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel" that I may not want to do someday for a myriad of reasons. But this is an outline, a rough sketch, something to aim for. I intend to alter it every few years to accommodate new goals and cross out the ones I've already accomplished, honing it to a razor-sharp edge of intention. 

So without further ado I present to you my current bucket list, with goals listed in no particular order: 

The old streets of Saltaire Village, a photo by Paul Stevenson on Flickr.

1.       Keep it simple

2.       Stay under 130 lbs.

3.       Deep relationships

4.       Create a self-study program for lifelong learning

5.       Find or create work that I love

6.       Live in England

7.       Make a friend in every European country

8.       Fall in love

9.       Discover my reasons for living

10.   Work for myself

11.   Get good at tennis

12.   Ride a horse “in the rough”

Les Miserables West End, a photo by mart wegman on Flickr.

13.   Learn another language

14.   See a show on Broadway/the West End

15.   Learn to dance

Grayson.., a photo by Bruce Tuten on Flickr.

16.   Scuba dive in a coral reef

17.   Sleep in a British castle

18.   Own a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

19.   Spread the Gospel

20.   Always tithe at least 10%

21.   Become influential in a godly ministry

It is Finished, a photo by abcdz2000 on Flickr.

22.   See the Northern Lights

23.   Visit

•        The British Museum

•        The Uffizi Gallery

•        The Smithsonian

•        The Louvre

24.   Live at least six months in a foreign country

25.   Tour New England

26.   Live in my “dream cottage” (a white cottage on a New England beach)

27.   Create a lovely garden

cutting loose, a photo by SqueakyMarmot on Flickr.

28.   Become a semi-professional photographer

29.   Become a connoisseur

30.   Read the complete works of Shakespeare

31.   Discover my strengths, weaknesses, passions, and gifts

32.   Never take on a lifestyle of debt

33.   Be a major influence in a child’s life

34.   Prison ministry

35.   Become an expert

36.   Win a prestigious blog award

37.   Write a textbook or study guide

Flags!, a photo by Paul Kehrer on Flickr.

38.   Be a New York Times bestselling author

39.   Go to a Green Bay Packer Game

40.   Make mistakes

41.   Learn to not take offense

And what is your personal opinion of these goals? Do you have a bucket list of your own? Are you willing to post it for the world to see?

The Dresser Project

Before

After

I'm pretty picky about some things. It's a downfall of mine. So when it came time to purchase a dresser for my room, I wanted the perfect piece. Unfortunately (just in case you hadn't realized it yet) life isn't perfect, so I ended up with a dresser that was the perfect shape and size, but the finish was in sad shape. For years the prospect of sanding and refinishing the dresser loomed in my future, until Mom finally pushed me over the edge, I decided what I wanted, and we took the leap.

I'd always dreamed of having a piece of furniture with a shabby-chic crackle finish, but thought that was asking a little much. Mom encouraged me, however, and we purchased the supplies, hauled the thing into the garage, and set to work. I would love to take credit for this project, but my darling Mamage did 95% of the work. Thank you, Mama! I love you.

Ripe for revolution

That's right: Abby the sanding girl

Here's what a drawer looked like before sanding--dark brown stain and lots of scuff marks. Once Mom, Aaron, and I hit it, though, it was smooth and light and ready for primer.

The Best Banana Bread in the World (No Kidding)

My dad will be the first to tell you that his mother wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs. I never knew my paternal grandmother, but apparently she was one of those "we're poor, always have been and always will be" kind of people. Depressing and pessimistic, in other words. Let's just say that she didn't leave many happy memories behind when she passed away about thirty years ago.

However, she did leave behind a yellowed, brittle, spotted and splotched card with a handwritten recipe for The Best Banana Bread in the World. I have literally grown up on this stuff, and verily, verily say unto you--it is wonderful. Comfort food in the extreme, it's good hot, it's good cold, and it's especially good two days old! Age only increases its moistness, and the top gets all glossy and mmmm.... Impossible to describe.

So, do you want to make it now? I'll spare you the trouble of deciphering my grandmother's outdated methods, and transcribe it myself. Here it is, what you've been waiting for all your life:

Gateway City, Here I Come!

St. Louis Arch, a photo by happysteve on Flickr.

Last October I had a lot of fun selling Greek gyros and baklava at Bikes, Blues, and Barbecue with my friend Cameron for his aunt's fiancee, Teddy (who is a magnificent chef from Bulgaria). Several weeks ago Teddy invited us to come up for the 4th of July weekend to help him again, this time at St. Louis's biggest event of the year! I think they're expecting more than 1,000,000 people to show up, so you can see why I might be a bit nervous. I had a great time doing last year's event, though, so I'm looking forward to it!

Today Cameron and I drove five hours to St. Louis, and it's the very first time I've ever been here. It's an old hat to Cameron--who has family in the area and visits very often--but it's a new world in my eyes. Tomorrow will be devoted to sightseeing, and I'll try to keep you updated with photos and information that I glean from my first time in a "big city" without my family. 

It's a rather weighty step for me, actually. I hardly ever go anywhere with Mom, Dad, or Aaron, and now I'm out and about in a new city with some relatively-new friends, and I'm eagerly awaiting the fun new experiences to come! Perhaps I'll get a taste of what I've been looking for for so long--a taste of what I'm made of, what I'm capable of doing. Methinks it will be a good training ground for my future trip to Europe; I get to practice essential skills like wrinkle-free packing, making sightseeing plans, and navigating unfamiliar roads.

So wish me luck on my Grand New Adventure!